amazingggggggg
want her body
I’ve decided that I’m going to be writing these personal journal entries so I can keep track of my own mental/physical progress as well as other things going on in my life. I guess this is my first of many
Firstly, I want to start off by saying that I haven’t made myself throw up in exactly 2 weeks today. I am very proud of my recovery. I used to cry and beat myself up over not purging every day, and now I can go weeks without it. Now I know that I can live my life without ever having to do it again. Thank god.
I’ve been eating without even worrying about calorie intake or anything. I can eat like a normal person without eating a tonne and then needing to bring it back up. I know how to control the amounts now. My binging days are over.
I feel so much happier. I used to just absolutely hate myself. I was so depressed because of the binging and purging.
I’ve also stopped weighing myself regularly. I did today for the first time in a while and looks like I’m a good 109 pounds, so I’m pretty okay with this considering that my abs are looking GREAT. I swear, I haven’t felt this good about my body in so long.
I’m in love with running for the first time in my life. I go on jogs all the time now. I love being on a treadmill, and in gym class we do this runs around our field and for the past few times now I’ve finished first. I even have gotten my friend to jog with me now. I really feel like all this cardio is making a big difference.
I am also now almost done the second month of accutane. It’s going pretty good. I’ve noticed a big change and I don’t break out as much anymore. I just wish the progress was quicker. It should be smooth sailing from now on though.
And lastly, I’ve made lots of posts on here about my bestfriend…the one I’ve had feelings for for about 3 or 4 years now. On Saturday we kinda decided to hang out more and give “us” a go. Pretty much the happiest moment of my life. Enough said. Only problem is…now I kinda have a thing going with two boys. Oops.
No idea how much I weigh, and quite frankly I don’t wish to know.
When I consider how much progress I’ve had, I think about how I went from walking laps in gym to running them all and finishing long before anyone else. Or how I can finally do well over 20 push ups after only being about to do about 3 for the longest time. Or how I went from doing 40 leg presses (150 lbs) to over 100. Or how two months ago I couldn’t even do a single pull up, and now I can do 10! I don’t need a number on a scale to tell me whether I am doing well or not. I can see it myself through my strength.
